I’ve been obsessed lately with the notion of not only self-improvement but self acceptance. Living in New York it’s a vividly portrayed notion that a woman should either a) Be thin or b) Embody the perfectly hourglass buxom silhouette of a temptress. I’ve somehow fallen in the crevice of an average blob, a head turner in the right area or the queen of average if you turn two corners toward midtown.
With all the obsession over Women’s Bodies and the “Body Positive” movement, I’ve found myself literally resenting it all, questioning myself if any of it is truly relative to my existence. When I look in the mirror, like many other women I see a few things that I would prefer to change, yet don;t have the complete altruistic confidence to stumble out of a gym pouring sweat 6 days a week in hopes that my stomach will disappear and my boobs will plump to a DDD.
To be quite honest, I often feel self conscious and I’m aptly reminded of my insecurities by the occasional shamer. An offensive adjective should not be the precursor to every socalled compliment that darts itself in my direction. I’ve become a bit tired of smiling and nodding or exhibiting my infamous ice glare just to bypass a group on onlookers. I don’t quite understand what all the fuss is truly about.
I do have an idea. You see, I had booked a rather extensive set of cosmetic procedures to sleeken my appearance in the name of vanity and social acceptance, yet somehow I pussed out at the last moment, a mistake or an untimely date? I’m not exactly sure. So in the honor of the next 4 months I have leading to the reschedule of my procedures, I’m taking measures into my own hands and chiseling away my most undesirable features and molding myself into what I see as the Most Beautiful Woman in the Room.
I’ll be happily documenting my transformation here, all of the experiences, all of the cat calls, body shaming, sexual exploitation, joys, tears and conquering of fears through the process.
If a Beauty Queen is what you want society, if somehow my existence will flourish with the application of Chanel lipsticks and silicone breasts, I’m in to find out how life may change through a uber feminization experiment.
Disclaimer: I am aware that not everyone may agree with the transformation experiment, and you’re welcome to your opinion. Just remember it’s my life and I want to experience it all.